It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
