Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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