that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
