I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
