I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
