I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
