I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
