Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
