he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
