ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
