Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
