Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
