I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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