So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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