I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
