hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
