apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
