is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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