You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
