I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
