He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
