I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
