Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
