just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
