there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
