As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
