FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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