Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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