i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
