so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
