i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
