Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
I canāt shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. Itās like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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