dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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