If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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