jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
