Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
