My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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