my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
