I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
