I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
