what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
