i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
