I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
