guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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