Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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