U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Drunk is not a location!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
