I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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