My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
