I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
