yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My balls are so social today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
