Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
