it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
