Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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