The maid of honor just puked.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im six kinds of drunk right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My vagina just clenched in fear
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
