Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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