i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
