Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
